im drinking this country out of the recession.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
