haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
