Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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