I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize