I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
