Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize