my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
