i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize