I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
