can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
