had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
