i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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