She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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