i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Houston, we have a blender
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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