I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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