my phone needs a breathalizer
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
