Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
