I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
