I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
