Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
