remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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