I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
