But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
