I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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