i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
