Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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