is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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