She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
