Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize