well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
