We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
