I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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