This girl is more easily done than said...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
