highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
