Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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