Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize