I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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