stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
