You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
