Swine flu. Run for my life!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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