it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
