I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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