69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
