I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
