i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
