Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
