Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
