VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
