he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
