is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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