Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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