I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
