I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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