why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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