Where is the hickey?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
