Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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