He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
