You're so nebulous sometimes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
