I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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