Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
