my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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