oh fat girl friday strikes again...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
