So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
