I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
