New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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