ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
