mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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