what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I could fuck to npr.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
