I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
