I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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