My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
