he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This baby is an asshole
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
