I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
