now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
