I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I touched a dick in church today
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
