True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
