it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
