I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
