Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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