So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
