How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
