A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
