one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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