The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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