I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
