she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
