My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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