Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
