In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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