ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
