Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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