the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
