Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
