Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize