everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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