that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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