Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
